That time I lost £1m

A decade or so ago, I co-founded my first consultancy.

To begin with, it was an amazing experience. We went off like a shot, winning a huge volume of work and building a client list that any independent consultancy would envy. We worked around the world. Our clients loved us. We started to build a reputation for quality. We were making good money.

It felt like we were in the right place at the right time. 

The best of times, the worst of times

But, for me, the experience also began to feel like being in the wrong place and completely out of time. The dynamics of the leadership team were out-of-whack. I experienced them as brittle, bad-tempered, controlling. I felt I had all the responsibility, yet none of the power in how the business was run. The stress of managing a fast-growing business that I didn’t feel able to influence became overwhelming. 

I became physically and mentally unwell. I looked in the mirror each day and felt like I recognised myself just a little less than the day before.

I tried to discuss a way forward with my then business partner — who I’d considered a good friend — but we failed to achieve any sort of understanding. I said I needed some time out. 

At this point he used every resource available to him, and pressed every advantage to push me fully out of the business, until — financially, emotionally and mentally exhausted — my only option was to sell my half and walk away.

My shares netted me £1. (That’s not a typo.)

A year or so later, the business was sold for a shade under two million pounds. (That’s not a typo either.)

What I have to say next might surprise you: this was the single best thing that ever happened to me in my career. It taught me so much about myself, my worth and my values.

It pointed me towards a new understanding of my strengths, weaknesses and blindspots — including how I’d enabled most of the problems I’d experienced. It helped me develop empathy. 

It was the seed from which every good thing I’ve done since has sprung.

And it taught me a lot about the value of community.

People can surprise you

In the days and weeks that followed my exit from the business, I wondered what would become of me. I had always been a careerist, but had left my consultancy with little money, no clue about what I wanted to do, and — I thought — a network that was too bound up in my previous role to be of much use. I wondered if the high-achieving part of my career was over; that no-one would want to know.

How wrong I was. Within days I was inundated with offers of coffee, career advice, freelance work and nights out (in difficult times, the value of a night out can’t be underestimated).

People who I wouldn’t have imagined would want to help got in touch and demonstrated understanding and kindness. The fact that I had little to offer them in return didn’t seem to matter much to them at all. 

People, it turned out, are kinder than I’d imagined.

As I’ve sought to establish in previous posts, the road ahead didn’t turn out to be easy. But it was made possible by the generosity of a community that I realised had been there for me all along. Human beings are almost always willing to help one another. We’re hardwired that way.

It’s the loneliness that’s the killer

When I was considering setting up The Consultancy Business, I sent a questionnaire to around 30 independent consultants — people who in the last few years have become trusted members of my professional community. (I’ve been surveying independent consultants for a while. There are a lot of insights to share, but we’ll get to those soon.)

The first question I asked them was: “If I was to describe my experience of setting up in consulting in one word, it would be…?”. By far the most common response, outstripping all others by a considerable margin, was the word ‘lonely’ (or a synonym for it). Commentary offered up as the survey went on sealed the deal: independent consultants, it seems, often feel cold, bereft and alone.

At the same time, they reported feeling empowered — excited and willing to chart their own courses to a future of their own making.

Up, and down… and up, and down… and up, and down

What emerged was a fascinating polarity. A state of mind that one respondent described to me as an internal loop of endless, self-contradictory chatter. “I’m excited to be doing this… Can I do this?… I know I can do this… But I’m all alone… It’s all for me… But it’s only me.” Rinse, repeat, fade. 

I feel such a deep sense of empathy for this. It’s how I often felt in those weeks and months after I left my first consultancy and was working out what to do next. It’s how I still occasionally feel today.

What helped me then is what helps me now: other people. 

We never really work alone. We just convince ourselves that we do.

Built by independent consultants, for independent consultants

I believe that, as independent consultants, we have a unique and valuable role to play in supporting other businesses. But I also believe that we have a unique and valuable role to play in supporting each other. 

After all, no-one else understands the loneliness and empowerment of our working lives — and the gnarly and occasionally overwhelming challenges that we face — as well as others who are on the same road.

So we’re putting that belief to the test. 

Over the coming years our aim is to build a thriving community where our members offer each other insight, advice and support on topics such as sales, marketing, pricing, service design, negotiation, the resolution of difficult client challenges, and many other issues that get in the way of consultants achieving their potential. All in a safe, confidential, judgement-free environment that is free of competitive conflict.

The Consultancy Business is a labour of love. It’s an attempt to pay forward the help and support I’ve received over the years in a way that I hope achieves a step-change in the accessibility and quality of advice and help in the industry overall.

If we don’t do it for ourselves, no-one will do it for us. 

But here’s the thing: I think we can do it. I think we’re hardwired to help.

Does the kind of community I’ve been describing sound of interest to you? Check out our podcast:

What to take from this article

You may be independent, but that doesn’t mean you’re alone.

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